Why Is Imposter Syndrome the Default?
Why can’t we just let ourselves be great?
[Imposter syndrome has entered the chat.]
Today, in this blog post, we will explore something I know all too well—feeling like I don’t belong here, and even when I decide to go somewhere else…same deal.
The inner conversation is always the same.
“I’m not qualified.”
“I have no business doing what I’m doing.”
“This is never going to work.”
Sound familiar?
What Imposter Syndrome Looks Like in Real Life
For me, it looks like procrastination and comparison. It whispers, “Your ideas aren’t good enough.” It convinces me that everyone else in my field is already ahead of me,; has better audio and lighting; is younger with more time to grow; older with more wisdom, same age with more confidence…and has perfect teeth.
Many of us experience imposter syndrome and it shows up as…
Fear of failure – the paralyzing belief that trying and failing is worse than never trying at all.
Perfectionism – the impossible standard that everything must be flawless before it’s shared.
Overworking – collecting degrees, certifications, and accomplishments in an attempt to prove self-worth.
You are already failing…
Funny revelation (but tragic): I used to fear failure until I realized something… I was already failing.
It was already a reality because I was not excited about my day but actually dreaded it. Additionally, the work that I was doing in corporate only fulfilled my need for a paycheck.
If you are not living in your purpose and excited about the work that you get to do then, you are already failing. Not “a failure” but failing, as in “missing the mark”, phoning it in” or “hiding your gifts” - basically, not being courageous but accepting things as is - when you know deep down inside, you are better than how you show up for yourself and others.
Perfectionism? Over It.
I was a super-star student and celebrated in my family for being a good, smart girl - so I took that as a prompting to maintain an image of perfection. The truth is, is that I knew that I was a mess which caused me to hide when I experienced challenges in my studies and as a teen. I couldn’t reveal that I was not perfect or even “good” for that matter. However, this image of me made them happy and also took the pressure off of my low self-esteem and poor body image issue. At least I had that going for me. (I’m guessing this is where my people-pleasing began...interesting).
But the problem with being a super-star student in high school is that you carry that out into the real world - where you expect to get A’s in places where only,
…showing up consistently regardless of how you feel;
…and having to be messy, flawed, and unstable at times to get things done…
are THE ONLY WAYS to actually get results and achieve success.
There are no grades - just personal commitment to a worthy goal - that may, in fact, drag you to your destiny kicking and screaming…but you will be the best and highest YOU for it.
That’s the problem with perfectionism is that it causes you to hide, to wait, and to care more about the image of the thing and not the integrity and impact of the thing. And you have lives to change and a legacy to build.
A sure sign that you are chasing perfectionism is that it feels like too much work and very little joy. You are not having any fun.
So, I invite you to rest in the imperfection and to delight in the peace it brings. What will happen is, you will create more and with more meaning, presence, and excitement. And it will be a beautiful mess - and it will change you and you will change lives.
Not enoughness?
I am proud to be an educated woman. I have studied so many subjects and have written so many essays. And I am also proud to be in the number of women, especially black women, who have pursued higher education. It’s an honor, but and however, it has come to my attention that there are women out here stacking degrees, certifications, and accolades—because they need the world to know they are enough.
The world doesn’t care about how smart you are. What they care about is if you care enough about their problems to help them find solutions.
If you’re trying to justify your existence through a certificate, just know—you are already enough. Your educational pursuits should be fun and exciting - not some exercise in stockpiling enoughness.
You should feel out of place…
When you step into a new space, you should feel out of place at first. That’s normal. The real issue is when you let that feeling stop you.
When you don’t even try.
When you don’t show up for yourself.
When years pass and you still haven’t started that thing because you’ve convinced yourself that you don’t deserve to be great.
Imposter syndrome is a liar. A dream killer. And the wildest part? It’s all made up. You created it. Which means…you can create a different story. One where you flourish and give yourself the grace to grow and learn.
How to Silence Imposter Syndrome? Action.
Do the thing while feeling like an imposter.
Let the doubt sit in the backseat, but don’t let it drive.
Why? because it’s NEVER going away.
Every time you try something new, and with each new level, it resurfaces to reminds you that “You don’t belong here.” and also “Who do you think you are?”
Acknowledge it. Let it speak and decide that you are okay and that you will keep going.
That’s exactly what I’m doing right now.
However, Imposter syndrome is on my shoulder saying:
Shut up.
You have nothing valuable to say.
Your life isn’t perfect. Your kids aren’t perfect. Your marriage isn’t perfect. And by the way, you have a FUPA.
And then it’ll be nice to me and tell me to go take a nap. And then as I lie down for my 30-minute power snuggle, and it’ll remind me that I said I’d create a podcast episode, write a blog post, create products, and help people do stuff— so actually, I don’t deserve to have a successful business and I’ll never be good enough for my purpose…because successful people don’t take naps.
See? Imposter syndrome never lets you win. No matter what you do, it tells you it’s the wrong thing; that you’re not enough; and that you don’t belong.
There is no sense in arguing with imposter syndrome. You will ALWAYS be painted as a loser who doesn’t fit in.
But here’s the truth: You do belong. You are enough. And whatever shortcomings you have right now can be developed in you or outsourced around you. You got this!
Ttyl, bye!