The Conversations You Have with Yourself Shape Your Life
How Negative Self-Talk Fuels Self-Sabotage…
Today, we’re tackling a major player in self-sabotage: negative self-talk—our inner critic. Rather than simply defining negative self-talk (because we all know what it is), I want to explore why we experience it and how it ties into trauma, control, and protection mechanisms.
I never truly examined why I talk to myself negatively until I heard someone ask: Would you be comfortable if your inner self-talk were broadcasted for everyone to hear? That question struck a chord.
So, let’s break down the root of negative self-talk and why we sometimes act as our own worst critic instead of our most supportive friend.
Why Do We Sabotage Ourselves with Negative Self-Talk?
Negative self-talk often serves as a defense mechanism. It’s our mind’s way of protecting us from disappointment, rejection, or the overwhelm of stepping into something new and exciting. We tell ourselves, “It’s okay, I don’t want that anyway,” or “If it doesn’t work out, I’ll be fine.” But deep down, we do want it, we do care—we’re just trying to shield ourselves from potential hurt.
For many, negative self-talk is rooted in past trauma. When we’ve experienced painful situations, our instinct is to protect ourselves from future harm. And what better way to do that than through our own words? Our inner dialogue reflects what we believe about ourselves, our worth, and our capabilities.
Reframing the Narrative
Once we recognize that we’re using negative thoughts to cope with past pain, we can start rewriting our internal narrative. Instead of seeing our past struggles as evidence of our inadequacy, we can reframe them as lessons that shaped us into who we are today.
For example, I was bullied in school. For years, I believed that something was wrong with me because of the cruel words spoken about my body. But when I reframed the story, I realized: They saw something in me before I did. I was always special. This new perspective empowered me rather than diminished me.
Taking Back Control
Negative self-talk often comes from a desire to control situations. When life feels uncertain, we cling to familiar (even if harmful) thought patterns because they give us a false sense of control. We construct narratives to explain our struggles, anticipate criticism, or justify inaction. But all this mental energy goes toward creating excuses instead of taking real action.
Imagine sitting in a meeting where the most important work is in a blue folder on the table. Instead of opening it, you and your team cover the walls with sticky notes listing all the reasons you can’t do the work. You brainstorm excuses, analyze past failures, and debate potential obstacles. Meanwhile, the blue folder remains untouched.
This is how negative self-talk operates—it keeps us stuck in analysis paralysis instead of pushing us toward solutions.
How to Break Free from Negative Self-Talk
To overcome negative self-talk, we must first become aware of it. Pay attention to the phrases you repeat in your mind. Challenge them. Ask yourself:
Is this thought actually true?
What’s a more empowering way to view this situation?
How would I talk to a friend going through the same thing?
And most importantly, give yourself grace. Changing these thought patterns won’t happen overnight, but small shifts in awareness can lead to profound changes over time.
Final Thoughts
Your success may be as simple as releasing certain stories that no longer serve you. Instead of expending energy creating excuses or controlling narratives, step into action. The thoughts running through your mind should empower you, not hold you back.
I hope this resonates with you. If it does, please like, comment, and share. Let’s keep growing together. Until next time—stay on purpose, and keep going!